Daydreaming

I’ve been feeling really weird lately, like I’m not actually here, inside my own body. I walk around completely dazed and if I ever cross anyone I know on the street I’m not sure I’ll even see them.

I feel like I’m not in control of my emotions and have weird, exaggerated reactions to the most basic normal stuff. I hate feeling like this, so out of control, so vulnerable, so needy, so unable to focus on anything. Hours go by and I have no idea what I did with the time.

I’m not feeling depressed or anything, in fact it’s partially the opposite. It’s like I feel too much all the time and I can’t deal with it. I think I was numb and sleepwalking for two and a half years thanks to a freaky hormone imbalance and now I’m doing this treatment and it’s like everything I didn’t feel is coming back all at once. It’s too strange and I seriously want it to stop. I was perfectly content in my controlled bubble before and I want it back.

It’s particularly hard to be in mommy mode when I feel like this. I had finally achieved the appropriate amount of patience necessary to deal with a toddler and now it’s all gone again.

OK. Done venting now.